I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
