you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize