you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
