dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i think i have two assholes
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
