Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
