Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
