I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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