would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
