Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hate all girls vehemently.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
