whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
