I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
