A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
