hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
