I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
