i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
