fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
