Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
