Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
