We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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