I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
