I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
