I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
