if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
