just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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