It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
