my shit smells like andre
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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