did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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