Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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