Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
