And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
