Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
