apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
