i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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