i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
