fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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