I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i was born a porn star she said
Small penises have feelings too.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
