ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Do vagina's smell?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
