he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
