I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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