Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
