She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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