everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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