I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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