shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You took a bar mat shot.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize