To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
