the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
