why didn't you poke me back
Porn is love you can see.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
