I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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