Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
