I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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