Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
