I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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