Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
