We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
