I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
