what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize