Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
