when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
