fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
