She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
