Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
