You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
