...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
