I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
