Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
