I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize