well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
