I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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