Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
