There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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