my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
