honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
