so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
false alarm. still invincible.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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