Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
