you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
