Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize