i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
