Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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