I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
