I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am available for nakedness
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
