Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
